NATURAL/ARTIFICIAL
Tuesday, February 3, 2009 at 06:30PM 
25 Things About Me
1. I hate "25 Things About Me" lists.
2. I really hate them. I really do.
3. There's something masturbatory about them.
4. Participants will end up saying things that will embarrass them later when they reread them.
5. My friends are always telling me how good-looking I am.
6. Like that.
7. I never mix mustard and mayonaisse. Never
8. Or that.
9. A friend of mine really wrote that.
10. He's an interesting guy, but not because he never mixes certain condiments.
11. Plus he misspelled "mayonnaise", which will not enhance his image.
12. For most people, this kind of list seems like a repository for info people have been hoping all their lives to be asked about, but never were.
13. "Do you have any condiment-eating rules?", for example.
14. I have received six invitations to participate in this list-making.
15. Damn Facebook!
16. Same thing with Twitter.
17. Who cares if I'm "in a boring meeting"?
18. This is teenage girl territory.
19. Don't they still make cute little puffy-pink-covered diaries with unicorns on the front for this sort of thing?
20. When I was 17, I murdered my family.
21. Maybe if people revealed things like that...no, not even then.
22. People could at least include recipes in their lists. That would be nice.
23. Everything I want my friends to know about me, they already know.
24. And I certainly don't want freaky internet strangers to know that I accidentally punctured my inflatable love doll the other day.
25. Forget you read that last one.
Reader Comments (19)
Dr. Research started it.
Oh, excuuuuuse me, Mr. Sparky and Ms. Canuck. So you're above looking for a little validation and demonstration of whimsy in life? It gives me hope that one of my favorite Flickr friends went out with the man who became her husband of 30+ years even though he told her on their first date that his parents were really religious and had already "promised" him in marriage to another woman.
Ha! I'm loving #3. But isn't all blogging essentially masturbatory? And is there anything necessarily wrong with that? ;-)
(Pssst, Doc - I was just trying to placate Sparky. I actually had fun with my list. I was waiting for him to get tagged once too often.)
But what kind of donut are you? I think we should be told!
I still don't 'get' twitter - why do quite clever people rave about it?
And you illustrate this with an end-of-the-line drawing.
Or is it: BUT you illustrate this with an end-of-the-line drawing?
I'm with you, Sparkles. WHY my children have tagged me on FB, I have no idea! If I'd wanted them to know about those years of wretchedness and depravity, I would have told them, now wouldn't I? God, is nothing sacred?
Hey why is masturbatory used in a negative sense here? As Woody Allen said, it's sex with someone I love.
Nothing short of brilliant. Great post. Made my day. No, my week!!!
Nice picture, Wallers!
Natural is when things are revealed in close conversation. Artificial is when they are revealed in lists. Gotta have room for both in our modern zoomy world, I reckon.
I hate writing these listy things, but I love reading them. Speshully this one.
Nailed it.
"25 Things About ME?"
It's GODDAM embarrassing.
And people just go ahead and DO it!
It's like taking your own test.
"Are ya gonna pass that?"
"Have qualities you DON'T have to tell us about?
That are just...evident?"
"I am too smart to take an intelligence test."
Amen to that.
sorry.
PFFAHH! Everything's natural, how can it not be, man? Wood, rubber, copper and clay (the ceramic insulators). Every single speck.
Lovely little drawing though!
You're right, Mr. Natural, but things in places they ought not be are not there naturally but have been put there in acts of artifice for better or worse. Like fake-tree cell-phone transmitter towers in a row of trees; silicone in women; spiny echidnas in zoos; and George Bush in a smart conversation.
I beg your pardon? Now you're above telling people silly little things about yourself that no one thinks to ask you about? You mean that thing you do all the time?
PS Love the way you spell mayonaisse . . . so elegant!
Talking of trees, Sparky's Uvula, I invested in an artificial Christmas tree this year (my days of truckin’ are over, man, since I started tripping over my beard). I knew I was wrong all along but what the heck, yer only young once!
Looking up ‘echidnas’ (well I wasn't sure;) I read about one... The creature had been retired from a zoo as it produced an erection when being handled at public viewing sessions. Full article with some fascinating facts and video of the old horny ant-eater in retirement –
http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn12838
So what's it about, this drive to tell 25 Random Things? Maybe it's because we don't ask our friends and family important stuff enough -- like their favorite color, favorite place, favorite food . . . Is it because we assume we already know them? Or are we just too cool to ask silly questions like, "Y'know, it's funny, but I don't believe I remember what your favorite color is! Will you tell me?" So we don't get asked, we don't tell, we don't know. But we do want to tell.
I want to tell. Yes. Yes.
re #20. So now you are no longer just a "person of interest". I always wondered what the heck happened to our family.